I have really hit a wall lately. And, its not even weight loss that has me down.
It's the feeling that I am not losing fast enough. I KNOW, crazy right?

As of this morning, I have lost exactly 20 pounds since I went to the doctor 3 months ago. People would be joyus over that.. me, not so much. 188.0 popped up on that damn scale this morning, and I was happy for a minute, then thought, I could have lost way more than that.

I don't know where these feelings come from. People tell me "Oh you have lost alot of weight" or "You are looking wonderful" and all I can say is.. I've lost a little, and I still look fat.
I am not losing in the abdominal area...thats driving me crazy. These fat rolls are just sticking to me like glue and I am getting so discouraged.

I have got to get up and do something. Guess it will be a DVD today since its snowing and I really dont want to get out in it!

No greater feeling…

Today, I hit 190!   I am officially the weight I was when I was 16.   I now match my divers license!

I really had to giggle this morning when I seen that number.  I am loving the feeling of being a lighter, much healthier person.  

This week I plan on vamping up my workouts.  I want to do at least an hour of cardio three days a week.  Plus weight training 2-3 times a week.   I really have to work on my gut.  So, crunches everyday.  

Well, thats really all I have going on here.   Boring wife, mother duties today.  You know, laundry, dinner, being lazy :)

Becoming myself

Recently I have been feeling like a new person.

I must admit, I have never been happy with myself.  I have a horrible self image and that drug me down for a long time.  

At times, I would get so depressed that I would sulk for days.  I hated everything about myself.  I was unhealthy and out of control.  I would tell myself that I was just going to be “fat and happy” and basically eat whatever in the hell I wanted to.   Then, every now and then, I would get on a healthy bandwagon and lose 20 or 30 pounds.  I never lost enough to get skinny. I lost enough to feel a little better.  I would get so tired of eating crappy low fat food and working out that I would go back to my old habits.

I am noticing huge changes in my body.  I have collar bones now.  I havent seen them in years!   I am down to a size 12 jeans, wearing lose fitting XL shirts.  I am enjoying shopping for clothes now. 

I am not in this to be super model skinny.. I am in this to look and feel better about myself.  I am 35 years old and damnit its time for me to feel good about myself.   I am doing this for me..and me only.

I am not starving myself, and I am not taking diet pills.  There isnt a miracle drug that is just melting away the pounds.  I am doing it the hard way.  Blood, sweat and tears.  This is my life now.  A life that I will be proud of and will finally be happy with.

I’m such a slacker!

You could say that I fell off the wagon.  Or, you could say that I just didnt care.  Either way, you would be right!   The last couple of weeks, I ate what I want and didnt move my butt much.  That was fine with me, I was celebrating and didnt care.

Imagine my surprise when I actually lost weight!   I am thrilled and worried at the same time.  If I can sit on my ass and lose weight, but if I exercise I dont lose a damn thing.

UGH blogger hates me tonight, again!   I keep losing what I type. 

Anyway,   I have been back on track.  I am down to 192 and very happy with that!   At least I am not moving back toward 200!   Tomorrow I plan on working out.  Tonight is my last night of vacation and I am enjoying it!

Christmas time!

I cant believe its nearly Christmas!   I am way behind on everything.

I just wanted to post a quickie update.  I gained over Thanksgiving, worked my butt off, and finally pulled it back off.  So, I am back down to 193.

Its been crazy around here, so working out has came by way of working.

I am hoping that its enough!

Dreaded day after…

Well, I did alot better yesterday than I would have guessed.

After loading up my plate full of Thanksgiving goodness, I was able to eat only a 1/3 of what I had.  I made sure to eat more turkey than anything. But, I managed at least a bite of everything. 

The Hubs, son and I went to the movies last night.  I think everyone around here had the same idea though.  After getting home late, I ate another roll and called it dinner.   

Today I am back on track.  Hubs and I went and worked out this morning.  An hour later I thought I was going to pass out dead.  I pushed myself more today than I have in the last few weeks.  It was nice to sweat and know that I am making myself a healthy person.   I managed to work some running in on my treadmill workout.  OH LORD, its been so long since my lard ass has ran.   I did some sprints and thought I was going off the back or I was going to die.   At the end of the 1 minute sprint, I really didnt care which came.

We are going to aim for 2 work outs today.  Although I may just pop in my Biggest Loser DVD and call that good!

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.  Back on track today!

Quickie!

I can not wait until tomorrow!  Stop counting calories and probably not working out!   LOL  Fat girl loves Thanksgiving!   

I think I finally fixed comments so that everyone can comment!  Look forward to hearing from you all!